My Life Story. C.

Hello there,

I've been having tests at college for the past 5 days, so I chose to put NaBloPoMo on pause for a while (the last test is on Monday)
It's a little late, but here's the third part to the four part series of "My Life Story" which I've been putting up here.
[ Here's Part 1 and Part 2 ]

                                                                                ..

..And Suddenly I was going to the camp with a lot of girls in a van with my teacher.
We reached the site earlier than the J team , or anybody else and sat under the moonlight on the sand, outside the camp site and talked. I remembering feeling very much at peace with everything - which was new to me.
The members of J team came in, and the camp began with a singing session inside. I felt comforted by God's presence somehow, for I now recognized that Voice inside my head as God's and I sighed a happy sigh and said to God that I was ready for life with just Him and me. 

  

For some reason – I soon became sort of uncomfortable in my own skin. Later that night, one of the camp counsellors spoke with me privately and asked me,"So, I hear you don't have a mother at home.. How does that feel?"
I welled up immediately, but the tears didn’t fall, and didn't say a word. I was 17 then, but some things feel the same no matter how much you age.
She asked me how my relationship with God was. I replied with a shrug.
She smiled and asked me how my relationship with ‘Sa’ was,
"Good!" I replied with a broad smile.
"Good! right?" she mirrored me and then said - that my relationship with God could be the same. But the only thing  that blocked me from a relationship with Him, were my own sins. I just listened, nodded and don't remember saying a single word.
Somebody interrupted us, and I quietly walked back to the "Session" at camp that was going on currently.
As I walked into the room with wide eyes . I heard the words "Will you please stop Hating Yourself?"
I held back the tears as I opened the door to where all the other kids(campers) were and the Voice said "Look around and tell me : Do you see anybody else here who hates themselves?"
I turned and realized that I was surrounded by a bunch of lightly laughing, confident people.
"no."
I replied quietly.
After a deep and Loving conversation with God, I came to see that I needed to stop hating myself and not just that - but to start loving myself as well.

The Impact was huge.

Inside of me any way, and maybe nobody else noticed, but ever since then I've begun feeling super comfortable in my own skin.

In the months that followed-I knew what I believed in by then, but I wasn't very strong in it. And even now I continue to struggle to hold on to what I believe in, sometimes.
Although I’d love to hide this part,  I believe it’s time to come clean. Without getting too much into the details, all I can say here is that I got close to somebody.

I used to believe that idols/ false gods were just statues that people worshipped. But I’ve gotten to see that our truest idols are simply anything or anybody – money, fame, another person etc. – that we love with all of us,  in the place of God.

I’ve come to see that any obsession/ addiction can become my "idol".

I hurt myself and I hurt others who meant well for me and there’s no point in hiding that.

At that time of idolizing this one person, I struggled to remember why I liked God so much, or why I wanted to go to Heaven.

I vaguely remembered something about longing to be with HIM (God), more than anything else - but it didn't seem relevant any more.

I ignored Him, and thought something along the lines of "I don't remember why I wanted God more than anything else. My life is obviously better without Him." Ohh, how wrong I was..

Those were pretty dark days for me, I couldn’t even think straight. I remembered how my life was before and wished I could have that back. But I'd been blinded by the lies that I believed in.

    God didn't give up on me though.
College was now reopening for my second year, and once again God found me.

He revealed to me that the reason Christ died on the Cross was because of my sins, and because He loved me, and would I Please accept His Grace again?
This seemed unreal.

Who would want to take back somebody who rejected you? Who would want to cherish something that wasn't worth it?
And that would be my God. 

..

Heyo, you've successfully reached the end of the Third part out of the Four! :)

Although I could really relate to 'Warrior' by Demi Lovato (the video above), this is a song that I've been also relating to a lot (it's called 'Safe' by Britt Nicole) :
         

 Love
 Jeff