My Life Story.B.

Hey there! How you been??
If you're wondering what exactly you're reading, please check out the prequel to this here : My Life Story.A. 
This is the second part, of a four part story.
Thank you :)

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       I went back to school, and it took some time to adjust to "not having a mother," because it was new.
Sometimes people said things like "You're lucky you don't have anybody to nag you and keep you at home when you want to go out" and it felt like such Cruel Comedy.

 It made no sense. Why would they think that?
But, it's taken me QUITE A LONG TIME and I understand finally that people sometimes say things because they don't know any better.
 I nodded and smiled back then, because I didn't know any better.

All I wanted,was to fit in and be like every one else.

 I'd sometimes stare at mothers with their kids and want that so badly.

It made no sense.

However, because most people sort of looked at me with pity and expected me to mess up in life- I wanted to do the exact opposite.

 I wanted to be successful. I wanted to be good at maths and school in general.
And so, I did well in school, but inside I was a mess.

Like I said before, I hated myself and cared about what others' thought of me.
People said I was strong, but I knew who I truly was. Thank God, for this teacher whom we'll call "Mrs. S" and a few other people who stood by me. I had a few amazing friends at this point- who hugged for no reason and enjoyed little things.

There was also a"reach out" group that "Mrs. S" had organized with some staff and students.
I volunteered to go with them for a visit to an "old-age-home"- but for some reason didn't go, 'cause I changed my mind in the last minute. And then I regretted it so much, and then decided to go along for the very next "trip" that was organized.

The next trip came along - and we had to interact with a few girls , who had been picked off the streets. Like, literally off the streets, because nobody had wanted them. And so they were now in this Home, where they get to stay, be loved, get educated etc.

Clearly, my life was so much better than theirs.

Clearly, I had much more to give, than they did. Suddenly my perspective changed.
So during this "visit",
 I noticed a girl standing in the side-lines, whereas the other girls from the Home were already talking with us, students, and had also begun dancing to the music that was being played.
This girl, reminded me of me.
And I just instinctively did what I thought I'd want somebody else to do for me in that situation.

Which was talk to her. 

She smiled and seemed to like being talked to.
This sparked something, both inside of her and inside of me.
It changed me, because soon we were both dancing - in the middle too. It was a weird and short dance, I admit. But I didn't stop smiling - the whole time.

There were several of these "trips" and "visits" that were organized and I tried to go on as many as possible.

I was love starved, and I learnt that -Life's not all about me, and it's rarely ever easy.

People loved being loved, and it turned out I still had a lot to give out even though I had thought that I was running on an empty tank.

I graduated from school, and didn't get the college course I'd wanted to - bitterness, disappointment and regret struck again.

 Before college started, an adventure camp was organized for our school girls by  "J (for Jesus) Team" - which was something a really close friend of mine whom we'll call "Sa" is a part of - and I'd gotten close to "Sa" in the 9th, and she mentioned "summer camps" every year , and showed me pictures .

Going to 'Camp' was a childhood wish of mine and I was finally going to live it. The camp site was in a gorgeous Forest.

The adventure was brilliant, and despite of any fears I might have had - I had a spectacular time.

" I'd better relish this, because I might never come back!" that's what went through my head as a camper. However, on the bus drive back to the train station "Sa" and her father (who had sort of founded J Team) asked me and 2 other friends Lydia & Catherine to join the J Team.

 At first I thought "um, me?" I had barely made it through as a camper, how on earth was I supposed to "lead" other people?

I didn't say anything. And they didn't push the matter further.

The day college started - I made sure I didn't dress up that well and wore my glasses even though I had contacts. And I prayed to God for good friends but also told Him, it's okay if I didn't get any because I'd always have Him-because I knew what it had been like to not friends in the past, and God had always come through for me.

I resolved to do my best at college- and be prepared to do well. I met some really cool people, and I had to be amazed - because God had answered those prayers pretty quickly.

College elections came around, and somebody asked me why I wasn't standing for any post.

I replied saying that I didn't even want to go to that college in the first place - so it wouldn't be right to stand for a post.

And then the girl, called Alice told me "We might have a lot of plans for ourselves, but God's plan is the best one for us." That shut me up.

I realized if I supposedly believed in God, I wouldn't be complaining about where He put me, and so I began seeing the brighter side of things.

This turned out to be NOT THAT HARD AT ALL- because there was PLENTY of good things that came with the college, the course, the study timings.

A 'Volunteers Training Camp' was being organized by J team around this time of settling into college, and some of the other kids from the Out-reach group from school were going. I didn't want to go.

This was mainly  because - at the exact same time that the camp was being organized-a "Food Fair" was going to be organized in College - and I didn't want to miss out on it.

So, I decided not to go.

However there was a Voice inside my head , unlike any other , which said " Take a Leap of Faith and go "

That meant I had to miss out on the Food fair, but I decided to listen to the Voice instead and told my teachers in advance that I wouldn't show up for the Food Fair. They asked me why, but didn't seem to care if I'd be there or not. 
And so I went.

 

You've successfully reached the end of the Second part out of Four! The next will once again be posted sometime Next Month.. Tell me what you think, there's a "contact me" message sender on the sidebar.

Love
Jeff